Wednesday, July 22, 2009


I guess I'm just a little thrown off when I encounter those people who see friendships as this disposable commodity. Maybe it's a civilian thing... They know there's no rush to make friends, they're probably going to be living in the same town, in the same county, might not even leave their state of birth in their entire life time. Perhaps they take friendships for granted because they vaingloriously believe they will always be surrounded by friends, with no effort on their part, you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone, as the saying goes. Maybe a person who's never felt loneliness can never truly appreciate friendship.

I don't think I will ever understand how some people regard friendships as this profitable conveniences or sparkly new toys to be used up and tossed aside with little regard to either personal dedication or emotional consequence. To me, friendships are some of life's greatest treasures, never to be taken for granted or treated lightly, certainly never to be thoughtlessly tossed aside when the selfish perceived usefulness of the friendship is over.

Maybe it's just me... I could be totally off, but as a military wife, and as a military brat, I've just gotten used to befriending people fast and making it a point to keep the friends I make! Maybe I just let my guard down too early, maybe I just get attached too fast... But to me, time is precious, I don't know when we'll be PCSing next and I find this need to make every last minute count.

Some seem comfortable to profess friendship only when they need you, and then drop you when someone else comes along, or their need is filled, or it's no longer convenient. Give and take exists in all relationships. Some are just more interested in taking than giving.

I understand that some relationships can drift apart over time... I think ALL military wives understand that! But what I don't understand is how someone, with whom you have shared and enjoyed so much, can so quickly turn a cold shoulder or begin to ignore someone they once claimed as a friend. I hope I never understand this. It's not my nature. Short of an egregious betrayal of friendship, I just don't get it. Even then, I, by nature am quick to forgive. I may be more careful with such an individual, but wouldn't automatically exclude them from my life.

Over the past year I became VERY close with a small group of girls, but for the past month I sinced something was up with "the queen bee". Of course she wouldn't admit anything was bothering her, but I saw it in her face every time I opened my mouth. Well that, and the time of her voice. Any time I would suggest anything, she'd get this tone and just talk to me like i'm stupid. But you know what, I dealt with it... Not for me, she annoyed me to DEATH! But my daughter LOVES her two kids! Well yesterday I notice I had been deleted off of Facebook... I know, I know, sounds so lame... But she doesn't use a regular email, so facebook is really the only way to get a hold of her. So I go on her page to email her, honestly I didn't think much of it, I figured it was nothing more then a Facebook glitch... WRONG! I find a comment on her "wall" that says "[name] is tired of logging on to facebook only to read the same people's rants & raves. I can only hope that one day those people wake up and realize how precious life is and that by all their complaining they're just letting time slip by..." Then she makes a comment to her status by saying "Just did some 'house cleaning' to rid my friend list of those kind of people :) HAHA!! I can't stand campaigners!! Why didn't I do that sooner????"

Ok, I was pretty irritated at this point. This was a girl I regarded as one of my best friends here.... We hung out twice (some times three times a week) for the past YEAR! Just about every weekend we were getting together for family BBQ's... Our husband's golfed together... Oh, while we're on that topic, I call my husband, to tell him what happiness (still thinking it MAY be a mistake", nah, he looks and says he's been deleted too. So my husband goes on her husband's Facebook page to find this comment (from her, to her husband) "I miss you! Can't wait to see you tomorrow :) XOXO - and take a look at my friend list... I downsized to get rid of those people!! Later loozers!!!!" Uhhhhh ohhh kay... This WAS one of my good friends, and not only does she think she can just delete me from her facebook and I'll automatically be deleted from her life... But way to burn your bridges by trash talking for NO REASON... We still have plenty of mutual friends, so it's not like i'm NEVER going to see her again... She's just working her hardest to make it as awkward of an encounter as possible when we do see each other again.

The thing that just kinda rubs me the wrong way, is she has NO reason to say those things. I don't complain on Facebook... Well no more then the average person... She makes it look like I go on there every day saying things like "Oh my gawd, I hate my life" or constantly talking about how my life sucks... Which I've never done... Why? Because I'm quite a happy person (dry and sarcastic, but happy) and I most certainly DO NOT think my life sucks... I have an awesome life... I love my life... I wouldn't trade it for the world! But am I going to go on a social networking site and say that day in and day out? NO, because that would be "bragging".

After talking to a friend about all this, she suggested that I email "the queen bee" and "talk" to her, and maybe she would LET me back on her friends list. HAH! Wow! Beg to be LET back on her friends list, why? She's shown her true colors. I have little interest in maintaining any emotional connection with people who behave in such a way. Maybe their approach to relationships is no worse than mine and is just incompatible. I don't know, but I do know there are others whose perspective more closely matches mine, and they are the ones in whom I try to invest more. ...doesn't make losing someone you cared about easier, I guess, but I think it helps avoid future repeats. Fool me once...