Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Blog Wars

I received an email from a reader over the weekend... Well, I don't think it takes much introduction, just a lot of reading... And you can "enjoy" the drama that ensued with a fellow military blogger.

Dear Wife Mom Blogger,
I've been an avid reader of your blog for over a year and noticed you post reader emails every once in a while. As a Navy wife of only 2 years and I like to keep updated with other Navy wife blogs, for info and support... One of which is a blog called The Young Retiree (http://homewifey.blogspot.com). At first I thought this girl sounded cool, she was a new Navy Wife, married about a year after me. But as the months went by she seemed to develop the stereotypical "officers wife
superiority complex. Being an enlisted wife myself, I don't make a habit of informing everyone under the sun that my husband's enlisted. I don't get what it is with higher ranking enlisted wives (E-7 and above) and officers wives where they think rank applies to them too. And organizations like the FRG just encourage the women to wear their husband's rank on their sleeves by putting the higher ranking wives "in charge" of the lower ranking wives. My question to you is why? Looking at this wife, she started out normal, but is buying into the whole "I'm an officers wife so I'm better then everyone else" thing. In her October post "She Called Herself a What?" she talks about the "plight of the O wife" and how it's getting harder and harder to socialize with enlisted wives... Can you please explain this to me, because I don't understand the reasoning behind this. This girl just turned 26 and has been "an officers wife" for less then a year and according to her blog has only attended a couple FRG meeting and didn't join the NOSC till September/October... So what makes her think she can sit there and tell people, some of who have been service members or military spouses MUCH longer then her, and those who are older then her how they should act or what they should or shouldn't wear to command functions when I'm sure she's only been to a few herself.

Hope to hear back from you soon.  XXXXX

The posts she's talking about are as follows...

Monday, October 25, 2010     She Called Herself a What?

I try not to go on rants too much... and I think I'm successful. I suppose a few of you could understand the "Plight of the O Wife" but I know there are too many who never will. It's really very difficult to be the wife with no rank when my husband is trying to make a few more before he retires. This is the difference maybe? I try not to judge, and Lord knows I love all of my millies here- enlisted or not. I am finding it harder and harder to accept and socialize with enlisted wives {specifically from the ship} in real life though.

I try my hardest to be a great wife and friend, especially when it comes to the command wives. I am not an O4 select. Next Friday, it is not I who will put those shoulder boards on and accept the responsibility as a senior officer- it is my hubs. While it is my hubs, I am also putting on a promotion of sorts. My behavior reflects on him.

It reflects on him both now and in future endeavors. Why do so many wives not get that? You represent the command also! There are so many women who are loosey goosey with their words {and not just OPSEC wise} and don't understand it can give people a negative view of their husbands and the command.

A few weeks ago a gal on the ship was complaining about her {enlisted} husband not being able to get off the ship with everyone else because his department was being held back. Someone in the department punched a hole in a TV. We're talking amazing flat screen 42"s! They were holding everyone until someone fessed up to doing it. She openly complained about both the USN and the command. I gingerly responded that it was a group mentality: if the guilty person felt the pressure of his or her angry shipmates perhaps the confession would come sooner. I also reminded her how she didn't hate the command of the USN on the first and fifteenth of the month and that these were things we had to accept.

It's kind of like the class clown in gym class causing the whole class a lap. After he earned the class a second or third lap, there's enough pressure for him to shut his mouth.   

Then, the other morning I awoke to find a "friend" {who I have never met, but who is a wife of a {enlisted} sailor on my husbands ship} having this as her status update: "I have been officially inducted into the CRUSTY BITCHES CLUB. haha I love my {command} wives :)"

I'm sorry what? I thought long and hard about this and found the words that I felt appropriate: "What does this mean? When did it become acceptable to call ourselves that? I always though the B word was a bad word... ?"

Her response: "well the group of friends i hang out with have a great sense of humor. its an inside joke. sorry you feel that way."

One of the ombudsmen clicked the little "like" button for her status.

Seriously, ladies? Tell me I'm not the only person who finds it offensive and inappropriate to refer to ourselves as bitches? I guess I was also offended since she threw the ships name in there. I am the wife of a sailor on that ship and I would never refer to myself as that- yet she included me in this by throwing the command name in there. That's great that you have this little group of ladies who are careless with how they refer to themselves, but I would enjoy no part of this.

It's kind of like asking a man why he beat his wife- when she had been beating herself for so long. Do not expect respect if you deny it to yourselves young ladies! Do not!

Moral of the story: Each day I get more and more excited to be doing more with NOSC, even though I am young enough to be some of their daughters! I also find it harder and harder to be the friend to an enlisted spouse- while trying not to be that O wife.

Anyone else?
Cuddles and Kisses,

The Mrs.

Saturday, November 13, 2010     Business Casual?

My husband and I have a philosophy: It's better to be over dressed than under dressed. Plain and simple. We once attended a function where he had on a suit and I had on a skirt suit. As we were pulling up we saw someone with a baby strapped to his t-shirt clad chest wearing those lovely blue and gold "Navy" sweatpants. The event was at a restaurant and we were slightly shocked to see this kind of attire. We got inside and people asked us where we were going that we were all dolled up. It was a few months before we were wed and I sure enough opened my mouth and said, "Ummm... here."

Most people at the function were wearing "fancy jeans" {you know, you can kind of dress up dark denim} and golf shirts. We have found this to be the norm for what we call "California Casual". It's a little more laid back out here than back east. We've been to some AOMs {where the wardroom gets together and does hails and farewells. Usually monthly} where gold shirts and khakis were the dress and we adhered to this.

Last Friday {5 Nov 2010} the ship held an awards ceremony where two enlisted men were honored for leadership by the command and a representative of the Steniss Center for Public Service Leadership. It was an amazing ceremony and a lovely evening. Unfortunately, someone came dressed like this:

Ummmm... NO!
Now, you may notice the attire of those people around this person. It appears as if the person to the far right is going with the dark denim dressy look. Most of the ladies had on skirts with the exceptional few who wore dress pants. There were flip flops, but again, of the fancy variety. The gentlemen {except for my husband who looked dashing with a tie} mostly wore khakis and collard shirts, top button or two undone.

I am saddened and ashamed to admit I know this gal- she works in my husband's department and is normally better dressed. Did she think "business casual" meant grabbing the clothes out of the hamper, throwing them on, and walking out the door? Please, please, please- do not embarrass your command, or you spouses command, by being too casual at an event.

Even if it was business casual, she knew the purpose of the evening. Get your act together and show some pride for these gentlemen being honored, one of who was in her department!

Cuddles and Kisses,  The Mrs.

While my reader seemed more bothered by the fact that this girl is an officers wife and using this "authority" that she has bestowed upon herself to supposedly boss others around.... I took issue with the fact this girl posted a picture of this women on the internet for the sole purpose of bashing her... And all that after she did a post the precious month complaining about other wives complaining and talking about how she doesn't judge others (that was supposedly the basis as to why she doesn't like enlisted wives, cuz they complain, like you?). Hypocrites are one of my bigger pet peeves so these posts just kinda rubbed me the wrong way... So I simply left a comment on her blog...

Must be nice to be an officers wife and all up in the know... If I was to see someone walk into an event like this (and I have seen a gentleman show up at the Navy-Marine Corps Ball dressed in washed out jeans and an untucked collared shirt) I would assume that they came from a prior event and probably didn't have the time to change, yet still wanted to be there to support their command. But then again, i have this philosophy to not judge others, ESPECIALLY publicly.

How come last month you were bitching (OMG I said BITCH) about an Enlisted complaining about command crap... Isn't that exactly what you're doing here? What's the difference? Is it this fictitious "promotion" that you got when you HUSBAND GOT PROMOTED? "I am saddened and ashamed" to have stumbled across your blog. It's women like you that give officers wives a bad name... Women like you that wear your husband's ranked on their sleeves because they have never had any real accomplishments of their own. Those chevrons on your husbands uniform are HIS... Not yours. Your husband is the one who gets the right to demand respect from the enlisted beneath him... NOT YOU! You are equal to any other wife in the Army, Air Force, Coast Guard, Marine Corps, or Navy... Be them enlisted wives or officers wives.

"Please, please, please do not embarrass your command, or you spouses command" by trashing his co-workers on-line. "Get your act together and show some pride for these gentlemen" and quit degrading your HUSBANDS name by dragging him into your online crap. You said it yourself last month, that your behavior reflects on him, so why would you post something like this? You said "There are so many women who are loosey goosey with their words and don't understand it can give people a negative view of their husbands and the command" SERIOUSLY? DO you not see anything wrong with this pose? 

After I had sent her the message, I received an email from one of her readers informing me that she had changed her original November post. She added that the lady had a " phd and is stellar" as well as something about the event being "Mandatory fun." As her reader had pointed out to me, rather then admitting that she was wrong, she changed her wording to look less mean, because now she can say "well I said she was steller, so I wasn't bein a bitch"... As her reader said, that's like thinking you can say whatever you want to say as long as you follow it up with "bless her heart". Ie- "This chick's a total bitch, bless her heart."  Anywayz, I get the response back: 

I'm sorry to have offended you. The person in question is a LCDR in the United States Navy- was neither coming to or going to any other event, and I think should have respected the gentlemen being honored better.
Plenty of bloggers write about what to wear to dining outs and balls. I'm doing the same. Thank you for your remarks. Duly noted. I'll crawl back into my silent hole of zero accomplishment now.

Ok, I saw where she was coming from, she had remotely good intentions with the blog post, I think she just went about posting it in a wrong way by calling this women out specifically though... And she clearly missed that was the point I was trying to make in the precious email... So I tried to email her twice, and got "email failed" letters both times, I wound up having to post a comment to her blog (which she didn't post:

I really don't care what the person is. She is someone who works with your husband and you just posted her picture online. It's true what you said in your email to me that bloggers post about what to wear to balls and what not, I'm one of them, it's my highest viewed page... http://wifemomblogger.blogspot.com/2008/10/what-not-to-wear-to-military-balls.html those pictures I posted were Googled images off the internet and in no way related to military balls, but I used them as exaggerated examples. I could have very easily walked around the Marine Corps Ball and taken pictures of all the inappropriately dressed women and then turned around and posted it on my blog... But that is just flat out mean. That doesn't accomplish anything. I'd be one thing for that women to inspire a blog post about dress codes to work events where you can merely state that you have seen women show up to "business casual" events in washed out jeans... You were doing fine at the beginning of your post, but to call her out specifically, that's kinda crossing a line. What you are doing is called bullying. How do you think that women would feel if she was to stumble across your blog? She would know its your blog because you have both your and your husband's pictures all over it... How do you think your husband would feel if she was to confront him about what you are writing? Don't you think that would reflect negatively on him, that he is allowing his wife to take pictures of his coworkers so she can publicly trash them online?

Look, it's your own business if you want to have a military version of Perez Hilton, where you make controversial posts and post candid photos of random people, and call them out on random shit and bash on enlisted wives... But a word to the wise, you might want to make your blog anonymous then. Right now your blog is more a journal of your every day life... Which is great... But like any journal, there are those certain pages you really wouldn't want the general public seeing... I mean would you have torn out the page where you called the prom queen a "skanky bitch" and taped it to her locker door while signing your name to the bottom of it? When people know who the blog belongs to, and they do with yours, you can be held accountable for the stuff you write.

I've had my blog for 4-1/2 years now, and been a little 'ol enlisted wife for nearly 7 years and learned a few things in the process... All I'm trying to do here is give you a little advice. I get that you're an "officers wife" and unfortunately from what I've read in your blog posts, you come across as you believe you are above us enlisted wives... Which whatever, everyone's entitled to their own opinions. It doesn't matter Enlisted, or Officer, whatever the wife does or says reflects entirely on their husband, that's the only point I was trying to make.
I really don't care if you post this or not, I was just trying to get the response to the email you sent me, back to you... You must have blocked me or something because it won't let me respond. ::shrugs:: Good luck with your blog.

Ok, that wasn't bad right? I was merely trying to give another spouse advice, which is exactly what I've done for the past 4-1/2 years on here, right? The response I get back:

"I most certainly did not block you. You, not even a wife anymore, is that correct? Who's on the high horse now?"

Seriously? Real mature. Well I still have no way to get a hold of her, besides posting a comment on her blog again... I would have loved to tell her that she is infact wrong, I am still a military wife... Even though I am separated from my husband, I am still legally married, as I've stated in my blog multiple times. But whatever, this girl enjoys belittling people, hence her online bullying... So I figured I'd be the bigger person and just not respond.

Well My logic to "just drop it and it will go away" clearly failed... But as does most logic when you deal with the immature. The same reader who sent me the first email, apparently also subscribes to her Twitter feed (I don't do Twitter) and I get the following email from her:

Hi there it's me again XXXXX I saw your post on A Young Retiree's page the other day and wanted to thank you because that's exactly what I was wanting to say. I was also wondering if you had seen her Twitter page? Are these posts supposed to be about you? After you posted your comment on her blog, she Tweeted: "AYoungRetiree I love being misquoted and misread. Don't judge me by my husbands rank and then tell me I can't use it too." and a day or two later wrote "AYoungRetiree any of you 'milspouses' divorced and pretending to still be a milspouse? Please explain that rationale to me." And then today her post "Sons of Lee Marvin" starts out with "I recently was called the Perez Hilton of Military Wives. I found this more amusing than offensive. I'm sure once I can formulate coherent thoughts and words on the subject, I'll write about it in my super secret public journal..." WAS THAT YOU?!? HAHA... [I'm not gunna post the rest of the email because it was unrelated]

But seriously, Oi-Vey!
I tried to be nice, I tried to be the bigger person, I tried to give a fellow military wife advice and this is what I get. Some catty girl who's biggest accomplishment is marrying an O-3 and is "retired" at age 25/26... She sits at home, behind a computer trying to start shit with total strangers cuz she's got nuthin better to do. Well bravo, Elizabeth, AKA "AYoungRetiree" you must feel REAL proud of yourself.

I had absolutely no intention on airing this dirty laundry, but with her admission that she's going to "write about it" as soon as she can "formulate coherent thoughts and words on the subject" which is really code for "as soon as I can contrive a juicer lie"... I figured I would get the TRUTH out here first, before someone tried to warp my words and post them all over their blog, and Twitter, and Facebook. Case in point, her claim that "I recently was called the Perez Hilton of Military Wives." Is complete crap, re-read what I wrote, 2nd email, 2nd paragraph, "Look, it's your own business if you want to have a military version of Perez Hilton, where you make controversial posts and post candid photos of random people..." Elizabeth, please don't flatter yourself. No one ever called you the "Perez Hilton of Military Wives." But kudos on the lie. 
You talk crap on these "friends" of yours on Facebook and people who work with your husband or are married to service members who your husband works with and it's only a matter of time before it gets back to them... Being a giant bitch based on your  husband's rank is incredibly immature and you are are deeply going to regret it in a few years. It's so sad that as a new navy wife, you have such promise, but to slowly grow into someone who has no regard for the feelings of others or someone who finds a need to act superior for something as stupid as a pin... that's a shame. You really need some perspective on life, to let you see what is really important in the world. And that's something rank can't give you.

And FYI I have disabled the "reader comments" I did not write this so it can be a forum to publicly bash another military wife, but I posted all this as a means to get the TRUTH out before someone publicly bashes me.

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